How are you living outside of alignment? Do you ever feel like something is not quite right? Like there’s one side you show the world and another in the shadows? Like there’s the side you show the world where you have your sh*t together, and another where you are panicking, drowning, and not knowing what the f*ck you are doing.
For years I struggled with a feeling like two halves of myself were not integrated. There was the side of me that I showed to the world: career and goal orientated, long term stable monogamous relationship, owning several houses and being financially responsible.
And there was the side of me that longed for adventure and expansion. To cast aside the expectations of my society and live life on my terms. To live as a nomad, not always knowing which pillow my head would lie on that night.
The side of me that wanted to explore the depths of my spirituality and sexuality fully. To know many great loves, each one teaching me something more about myself and the world.
But for the most part, this side of myself dwelled in the shadows. I sent it deep down inside my unconscious. I refused to dialogue with it, acknowledge it or give it any credibility beyond chastising it for leading me astray when it would inevitably pop to the surface.
The problem, dear readers, is that unless you can find a healthy way to align the shadow side of yourself, it will pull your strings from the shadows. Rather than you speaking openly with it, as Buddha drank tea with Mara, it will whisper in your dreams… Guiding your decisions without you even being aware of it.
What you ignore doesn’t go away
And so it was with me, leading me to step out of integrity, outside of my relationship agreement, because I didn’t know how to ask for what I want… And I feared judgement if I did ask. I didn’t even know then consciously WHAT I wanted. I hadn’t done the hard work of sitting with that part of myself and listening to it.
How can you step back into alignment? Acknowledge this side of yourself. Spend time delving into your fantasies. Make friends with your shadow (for more shadow-work, check out how you are sabotaging your own relationships).
And then, take the courage to ask for what you want. The alternative is not safety, it’s living a life of resentment, lies and half-truths.
How are you living outside of alignment?
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”C.G. Jung