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August 7

Why (most) Porn Is Ruining Your Sex Life

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Why (most) Porn Is Ruining Your Sex Life

For an increasing number of us, porn is the first exposure we have to sexuality.

I’m not against porn per-say. I think it has its place in the world. I occasionally watch it. The problem is that for many men, porn is the DEFAULT way they get sexual pleasure. There are a number of subtle and insidious problems with this.

Porn is almost always created by male directors and for the male gaze. The problem with that is it teaches men a very distorted way of looking at sex itself. For instance, most porn scenes follow the script of: girl blows guy, they screw in a few positions while she has fake orgasms, then he jizzes within 10 minutes of penetrating her.

After that the scene is OVER. This makes it look like sex finishes as soon as the guy cums one time. The girl doesn’t matter at all in this case, having reached the only goal of making sure the guy had his orgasm…

Most women take more than 30 minutes of stimulation to reach orgasm. The average porn scene from start to finish is less than 20 minutes. Most guys are not even watching the whole scene. So guys are training their bodies to cum way before their partner does.

Most porn is filmed with two goals in mind: 1) don’t block the camera and 2) don’t ruin the makeup of the woman. Because of that, you’ll almost never see the actors engaging in anything like real passion. Often, the guy will have his hands behind his back to keep them out of the way of the camera, and he certainly won’t be kissing the girl or touching her face (makeup!). Often, the only parts of the actors that are touching are: the penetrating part, and the part being penetrated. Romantic, right?

Porn teaches men to be disconnected from their own first hand experience of sex and instead, needing to see or visualise OTHER people doing it. Don’t get me wrong, watching other people getting busy can be fun. The problem is when you are so disconnected from your own first hand experience of actually doing it yourself that you need to visualise something else in order to enjoy it properly.

Porn also gives a distorted view of what is considered “normal” for male (and female) anatomy. For many men, the only other naked male bodies they see are in porn, and it’s pretty hard to measure up. Kind of like if you were into sprinting and you thought that everyone else runs like Usain Bolt.

It also trains the body to expect pleasure in a weird position. Pretty sure I never saw the “phone and cock” position in the kama sutra πŸ˜‰

Having said all that, I’m not anti-porn, any more than I’m anti-drug. My belief is that the use/dose is what makes the poison. If you must use it, do it mindfully and with presence, and be aware of the pitfalls above.

And remember, great sex is about PRESENCE. You cannot be present if you are actively being somewhere else in your mind.

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About the Author

Brett is a Coach, Tantrika, Daka, and Sacred Sexual Healing Practitioner. He has studied with the International School of Temple Arts, and with various Tantra schools around the world. Born and raised in Australia, Brett has spent more than five years traveling the world, learning from the best of the best in Tantra, Shamanism and kink worlds. As part of this experience, he has also been studying and experimenting with different forms of relationships such as polyamory. The deep realisations and growth he had during this period made him leave his old life as a programmer and dedicate his life to helping others remove the guilt and shame around their sexuality and empower themselves to live the life they dream. Brett has helped dozens of people around the world with his one-on-one coaching programs, body-work and sexual healing sessions, and many more through teaching workshops and live-streamed online events on topics like Tantra, BDSM and Sexuality.

Brett

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