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January 20

Why porn is killing your libido and making your dating life suck.

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Why porn is killing your libido and making your dating life suck.

Guys, there’s something that might be killing your libido and relationships.⁣⁣ ⁣

A client of mine shared his hardships with me recently. He was saying that he spent all weekend at a festival with beautiful girls everywhere, and not once had he really been turned on by a woman there, with a real physical reaction in the body. He felt basically asexual in this situation.⁣⁣ ⁣

I started asking deep questions, what was his sex-life like, and what situations did he get turned on in? Porn. It turned out he was getting all of his sexual experiences solo, in front of a screen. In porn there is rarely any build-up or seduction, people getting to feel each others energy, the push and pull of sexual tension building… Will she? Won’t she? Does he like me or not? When will he kiss me already!? These phases can be the most delicious and exciting!⁣⁣ ⁣

When you expect life to be like porn though, there’s no space for any of that. No mystery, no tension, no not knowing… It’s all laid out for you. No effort, no interplay of human emotions, energies and dramas.⁣⁣ ⁣

He had become so used to seeing women immediately ready for action, often without clothes from the beginning of a scene, that meeting them in a real situation didn’t cause any reaction in his body anymore. Porn can really desensitize a person to the realities of human sexuality. ⁣⁣ ⁣

It had also set him up with the expectation that he was supposed to have a strong reaction to women, before even meeting or getting to know them a little bit… This meant that often he wouldn’t even bother going to say hi to a woman, thinking he was just not attracted to any of them. ⁣ ⁣

Guys: unless you’re a teenager in puberty, your reactions are probably going to be far more subtle!⁣⁣ ⁣

I don’t think porn is harmful to everyone, and I think it has its place in the world. When it’s done right, it can even be a positive influence, teaching people good practices (check out Erika Lust to see what porn should look like). The unfortunate reality is that 99% of porn out there is trash and is ruining your sex life. And, when guys use porn as their primary or only form of (instant) gratification, their expectations of how sex and relating are in reality get messed up.⁣⁣

So what can you do about it? What I suggest to most of my clients is to take a porn diet for at least 30 days. This is a good amount of time to reset your habits and neurochemistry. In order to make this habit stick with the minimum amount of willpower required, I suggest using a site blocker so you don’t even have to think about it. If and when the urge to masturbate comes, think of it as a good opportunity to learn to transmute your sexual energy.

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About the Author

Brett is a Coach, Tantrika, Daka, and Sacred Sexual Healing Practitioner. He has studied with the International School of Temple Arts, and with various Tantra schools around the world. Born and raised in Australia, Brett has spent more than five years traveling the world, learning from the best of the best in Tantra, Shamanism and kink worlds. As part of this experience, he has also been studying and experimenting with different forms of relationships such as polyamory. The deep realisations and growth he had during this period made him leave his old life as a programmer and dedicate his life to helping others remove the guilt and shame around their sexuality and empower themselves to live the life they dream. Brett has helped dozens of people around the world with his one-on-one coaching programs, body-work and sexual healing sessions, and many more through teaching workshops and live-streamed online events on topics like Tantra, BDSM and Sexuality.

Brett

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